So much has happened last week. I had lots of papers to write, and too many information to process. It’s only the second week of my junior year and here I am, worn out, like I can’t move a single limb in my body. Well, that really did happen to me last night.
I guess it’s something to do with being on vacation for 3 months, so I’m still in the adjusting phase. But the thing is, I have no time for that phase. My professors are right on track already, while I’m here, super lost. UGH.
College life isn’t going to get easier as time goes, it just gets worst, I wish I could get a hang of myself and get into business. But trust me, I am trying, but it’s just hard in the beginning. Whew. All of my subjects are hard-core, so there’s no time for me to play around, heck no time for tumblr. BUT it is my escape from the stress of the week, so I’m indulging myself in it as much as I can.
I think I’ll have to visit the doctor to know why this is happening. or maybe it’s just because I woke up late a while ago and haven’t done anything tiring. UGH. Not being able to sleep when you want to sucks.
I remember how other girls perceive girls who put make-up as people who are pretentious or girls who look beautiful outside but rotten in the inside. I would just like to share what my say is about this.
The thing is, I put make-up on whenever I go out, say to school, mall, a friend’s house, wherever (except when I’m just going to the market or somewhere where it is weird that you have make-up on, like when I’m going to have a facial) but I don’t do this to pretend to be someone else, or to cover my whole face with make-up and plaster a different face on it. Make-ups are made to make us beautiful. And i attest that it does more than that. It gives a women confidence to face other people, since it makes you feel beautiful, it boosts up your self-esteem. It’s not like I put super thick make-up everyday, that’ll be weird, I have my own personal everyday make-up that’ll still look pretty natural. It’s just a means of lessening the “flaws” and emphasizing that assets of your face. Not a big deal, really.
Although there are those girls who DO NOT want to wear make-up, it’s okay. It’s their personality, being simple, but they should also respect girls who have a different personality compared them. Actually, I think make-ups are somehow addictive, and it’s just how you would “control” the addiction. You could always start with lipstick, then eye liner, or mascara, and so on, and so forth. Anyway, sooner or later you’ll have to learn how to do it, since most jobs require their employees to wear make-up.
The point is, there is nothing devilish with wearing make-up. It’s normal, perhaps in the culture we’re in it’s kind of off, but seriously, people are beginning to accept that we imbibe the culture of other countries. Those girls who would roll their eyes at you for wearing make-up are probably just jealous that you know how to do it. So I say there’s nothing wrong with it. Do as you please, let other girls say what they want to say, that doesn’t change the fact that make-ups actually has a good effect on you.
Siguro lahat kayo nagcecelebrate ngayon ng araw ng mga ama sa mga oras na ‘to. Naghanda ng masarap na tanghalian si mama, okaya naman lumabas kayo para kumain. Pero para sakin, ang June 17 ay isa lang ulit normal na araw. Ni hindi ko nga binati yung papa ko. Ni di pa kami nag-uusap sa araw na to, pero what can I say, ganito na talaga kami, matagal tagal nadin, ang hirap magpanggap na okay ang lahat. Ang hirap sabihin sakaniya na “Happy Father’s Day!” ng buong ngiti tapos hug, at may kiss pa sa cheek, parang dati. Tuluyan na kasing lumayo ang loob ko sakaniya ngayong taon.
Naiinggit ako sa mga taong may mga tatay, I mean, yung malapit talaga sa mga tatay nila. Kasi ako hindi, di na kami nagkakaintindihan eh. Believe me, I did everything to make him understand how I feel, to bridge the ga that he created between us, but then I find it useless to continue the pursuit ‘cause neither his heart nor his mind could listen, so I finally decided to stop. Hindi masaya na ganito kami, pero eto nalang yung pinili ko kasi mas nakakayanan ko yung ganitong sitwasyon kesa yung lagi kaming nag-aaway at nauuwi lang sa pag-iyak ko, na sa paningin niya, isang sign ng kahinaan ko. I just want a father who would genuinely care, and he can’t give me that, so I became a daughter who stopped treating him as a father. Nandun yung respect na siya padin ang bumubuhay sakin, pero yung pagmamahal? Wala na ata.
Kaya para sa mga taong may mga tatay na talagang nakakasundo nila, alagaan niyo sana yung relasyon niyo sa kanina, kasi may mga taong kagaya ko, na naghahanap ng kalinga nang ama. Hindi na ko umaasang mababago pa ang ugali ng papa ko, hindi na ko umaasang magiging maayos pa kami. Ang lungkot diba? Pero yun yung realidad na kailangan kong harapin kaysa patuloy akong umasa na magiging masaya kami ulit gaya ng dati, tapos mabibigo lang ako sa huli.
Anyway, Happy Father’s Day sa mga tatay niyo! :)
Ang totoo niyan, first week palang exhasted na exhausted na ko, sa reason na di ko alam. Kung nung bakasyon nga hirap na hirap akong matulog, 1am na yung pinakamaaga, ngayon naman sobra. yung tipong pagkatapos na pakatapos ng class ko at pagbalik ko sa dorm, inaantok na ko, at eto matindi, nakakatulog talaga ako agad. Kung pwede nga lang matulog ng ganun kaaga eh, although syempre hindi.
Hindi pa ko sanay sa panahon sa elbi. Yung sobrang init tas lalamig okaya uulan, ayan tuloy, sinisipon ako ngayon. Araw-araw akong pawisan tas papasok sa airconditioned na classroom okaya naman matutuyuan nalang talaga ng pawis, pano namang di magkakasakit diba?
Nakakapressure pa yung mga professors ko ngayon. Highly demanding na nga yung mga major, core at elective courses ko, nappressure pa ko sa mga prof, kasi syempre may mga expectations silang kailangan mong mameet as their student. Oh Lord, tulungan niyo po ako.
Pero syempre di naman puro reklamo. Marami din namang good points ang pagsisimula ng first sem ko as a junior student. Tumatama nanaman ang body clock ko, naeexercise ako kakalakad at higit sa lahat, interesado ako sa lahat ng subjects ko this sem. No kidding. Kahit mahirap sila, super game ako na magexcel ako, kasi interesting yung pag-aaralan ko eh, and gusto ko din talaga maintidihan ng mahusay yung mga ituturo samin, at kasabay nun ay ang paghuhulma pa ng kakayanan. Isa pa, ang sarap lang ng pakiramdam na nakikita mo ulit yung mga friends mo na sa elbi mo lang talaga nakikita since technically, super magkakalayo yung pinanggalingan niyong provinces. HAI. Ramdam ko na talagang upper class na ko. Iba na yung level ng tension at stress ngayon palang eh. Haha. Bringiton.
I finally saw my bebe yesterday. We went to church at elbi together, and had quality time with each other.
It’s amazing how despite the fights (and I tell you, there were A LOT), it;s still so easy to have each other around. At some point, maybe it even felt better, but then again, we weren’t able to be together for a long time. We were just laughing, sharing stories we haven’t talked about in the phone. Just being beside each other was enough, there were times when we need not to speak at all, we just held and stare at each other. Knowing that he is real, tangible and with me at that very moment makes me know that we are worth the struggle to overcome the challenges that goes our way.
I can’t simply put to words the feeling that I had when I was with him, and even now that I’m remembering how real the love was between us, I just tend to type nonsense. I don’t even think my grammar’s right. Crazy huh? But that’s the way it is. The simplest thing that I could say to summarize the emotion is; I’m happy I didn’t let him go that easy. I’m happy that I know that both of us are now making an effort to make this work. Happy 17th monthsary to us :)
Syempre hindi ako yung nagcampus tour, ako na yung tour guide ngayon. Haha. Ang galing lang na nakita ko yung sarili ko sakanila nung freshie ako, na nagcacampus tour din. Tanong ako ng tanong kay ate tour guide ng kung anu-ano. Ang worried ko lang nun at the same time excited kasi hindi ko alam kung ano bang naghihintay sakin sa simula ng klase. Mukha din akong lost nun, dahil ang totoo, ilang beses din akong na-lost at kailangang maglakas loob na magtanong sa taong makikita ko na mukhang approachable.
Isang halimbawa yun na dumadaan din talaga lahat ng UP student sa prosesong yun. Ang sarap lang din sa pakiramdam na masagot mo yung mga tanong nila tas makikita mong nawawala yun worries nila. Alam mo kasing nakakatulong ka.
Anyways, welcome freshies! Hope you guys are up for your college life. Goodluck! :)
At 3rd year na ko ngayong pasukan. 4 more sems to go (including this one) tas ggraduate na ko. wohoo. Excited at kinakabahan ako ngayong sem, puro na kasi major courses yung itatake ko this sem. Exciting kasi yung mga course na to yung interests ko talaga, pero alam ko din na highly demanding na silang lahat. Nakakakaba kasi yung standard na naset ko last sem, mataas siya, and sana malagpasan o maretaain ko manlang yung standing na yun. Haha. I know na sasabihin ng iba na grades does not define someone, pero sakin kasi, from the family I’m in, malaking bagay yun. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m not complaining. I’m used to doing the best the I can in the things that I do :)
My laptop time tells me it’s already 10:16pm. Normally, ganitong mga oras ay nagtetext na siya sakin na pauwi na siya blahblah, pero ngayon hindi pa. Noon, nagiging hysterical na ko kapag ganito ang nangyayari, pero ngayon, hindi na. Ang hilig ko kasing mag-alala noon sakaniya, tapos kung anu-ano yung nag-iisip kong ginagawa niya kung bakit di ako matext agad. Dumating nalang din siguro sa punto na napagod na ko sa kakaganun. Kasi everytime na ganun yung nangyayari, nag-aaway lang kami sa huli. Eh napapagod na ko sa kakaaway, lagi nalang bang away? Eh magkalayo na nga kami tapos mag-aaway pa over something na pwede namang di gawing big deal.
Naisip ko lang, friday night nga pala ngayon, baka gumimick nanaman with officemates since he had a really tough week. Never naman naging issue sakin ang paggmick niya ever eh. Alam ko namang kailangan niya din yun, ang sakin lang kasi, gusto ko manlang malaman kung hihintayin ko pa ba siya o matutulog nalang ako kasi masasayang lang ang paghihintay ko. I swear big deal yun dati, siguro nasanay nalang din ako. Or something else? I don’t know. Not sure. Ayoko nalang magpakastress gawa niya.
Months ago, I wouldn’t have the heart to say the things I stated. I surprised myself with this. But I am nothing but glad because of what I’m feeling or, what I wasn’t feeling.
I went to UP today para sa briefing ng mga volunteers para sa campus tour sa monday. Ang totoo niyan, first time ko tong nakilahok sa isang volunteer activity in college - where everything’s so serious.
At minsan na kong napaisip kung bakit nga ba ako nagvolunteer eh wala naman tong medal o grade or whatever. (Tapos kanina ko lang nalaman na may certificate) But despite the doubt, my gut kept telling me to just do it, for the mere experience itself. At nung nandun na ko kanina, all I felt was, EXCITED. Okay, hindi ako excited sa 6 am na call time, pero feeling ko naman enjoy siya, at fulfilling naman. OO, nararamdaman kong fulfilling na kahit di pa nagsisimula. HAHA.
Anyway, the campus tour seems fun ad tiring, but I’m really looking forward to it :)